Do we give too much of ourselves to please our partners?

It seems that several women go through a process of self-discovery or re-discovery after divorce or long-time relationships. Most of us state that we lost our selves, letting the partners’ lives and hobbies trump their own.  And I couldn’t avoid thinking: why do we give up on ourselves?

I started this note writing that we should try knowing ourselves before being married; understanding the things/hobbies we cannot give up no matter our marital status; and I even thought about encouraging open conversations with your partner on the compromises needed so that both could feed each others’ dreams and passions. But then, wonderful God and His Holy Spirit illuminated me… It got to be them because I do not think I could have come up with this one on my own.

We forget that hobbies and activities only fill our lives of stuff. It only fills up time and sometimes we can continue adding things without feeling fulfilled or only attaining temporary fulfillment.  Sometimes, it could only serve as a distraction and a noise for us not to spend time in silence or in servicing others. I think that everyone, women and men, need to be continuously in search of their mission in life and what they are called to do for God and ultimately their salvation.  And it is the duty of a husband and a wife to help his/her partner achieve salvation by supporting them through their mission. This fulfills our vocation in matrimony.

The mission becomes the passion, and both partners work together toward supporting, encouraging and helping each other to bring to life their respective missions. Otherwise, there will always be emptiness in their hearts. And losing themselves by “doing” what the other does is only a symptom of a bigger issue. This is the fact that nowadays we spend more time “doing things of the world” rather that “servicing and loving for God.”

The Spiritual Side of NYC!

NYC makes you strong in many ways.  It teaches you to walk fast and walk everywhere, run to the subway or to get the taxi first, not to notice the homeless as they are so many, park your car fast as people don’t have the time to wait, not to let others run you over or over you, tough it up while getting any public process done, hold a long night of party, and so much more.  But NYC, like any other city and place in the world, has a beautiful side… a soft side that builds your heart.

NYC taught me about love, patience and faith. I only lived there for about 20 months, and my community and friends made me fall in love with the city. From the corner bakery servers to Don Pedro & Beto in the parking garage and my Panamanian dancing group in Brooklyn… everyone offered me a kind heart, a candid hello, a warm welcome and farewell. The best was the Ascension Church, and everything I got to learn in the Charismatic Movement.

Using the talents and gifts God has given me for the benefit of His Church is how I started learning about love.  The greatest example was the strong desire I felt to leave all my belongings within the Church community. I still have a long journey towards love, but NYC gave me the opportunity to discover how I can go about this. I am confident that God will also guide me in the next few months on loving!

Working with the young adults group at Church gave me the initial steps towards practicing patience. It requires time to let God work in the hearts and minds of a team. Even if I knew how to get the outcome, I needed to teach the team how to get things done so that they could get inspired and learn about their own potential. It is now so fulfilling to see how the group has defined its vision and a strong plan to conquer the hearts of the youth in NYC.

Faith continues to be a work in progress.  It was in a Healing Retreat where I had the vision of returning home. And the process to make the decision final took patience but much more faith.  Leaving the known and the comfort of my life in the USA to come to the unknown but familiar home in Panama was a challenge that taught me about putting my trust on that vision that I had and knowing with confidence that God put that in my heart for a very good reason: because He will give me abundantly! However, I didn’t know what that abundance would be… and I confess I am still on that journey.

NYC is a wonderful city, a city where you could find any experience you can imagine. And I am so happy that I got to practice love, patience and faith in that beautiful, exhilarating city.

Help Charlie Heal!

Charlie Greenman was born on August 4, 2010. About 12 hours after his delivery, he started having seizures. He had suffered a stroke in utero.

He has become to his family & their friends a living example of humility, love, patience, resilience, and dependence on God. I had the privilege to attend Charlie’s Blessing this past weekend, and Sarah, his mom, gave a few words of gratitude. There is one line that moved me and even more than 24 hours later still makes me cry. Sarah said,

“I’m humbled by him and all of you.”

What amazes me is the peace Sarah portrays. She is staying on course with hope, faith, and thankful for the support of people around her. From this experience that, with no doubt, is difficult and painful, she and her family are experiencing the power of faith and dependence on God (through others).

As she later told me, she feels overwhelmed at times and so vulnerable. It’s from weakness, that we gain strength. It is the love and care of their family, friends and even those they don’t even know that keeps them strong.

And here is a great learning: It is by sharing our feelings and problems with those who love us that we find the support and optimism for life. Sometimes we try too hard to be strong and independence, but God asked us to be humble and depend on Him. It is through the difficult experiences in our life that we seek for that Higher Power that never forgets or abandons us.

I am sure that God has a master plan for The Greenman Family. Charlie will do great things and teach us a lot more!

I want to ask you to please read Charlie’s blog and consider helping his family. Charlie will need the help of many doctors and therapists throughout his life, and the kindness & compassions of all of us could help Sarah & Jack to have a bit more piece of mind financially. Please read his story!

Learn More About Charlie & For Donations

http://charliesfund.blogspot.com/

Do you "Crawl" OR "Fall" In Love?

Earlier this year, I had a "girl's spa day" with a friend, who had just broken up with her boyfriend. In between teas, while listening to her story, I couldn't avoid relating all the drama to one of my books, called "If the Buddha dated."

We need to apply more consciousness and awareness to our relationships. "To maintain equilibrium and keep a clear mind, we need to err on the side of the turtle" instead of the mouse. This is especially important is we have a history of troublesome relationships. If we think about it, once a woman gives up her heart, her body is not far along, so it's better to safeguard and protect our hearts as we build a friendship first before romance.

"Crawling in love is different from falling in love, or in lust, because you stay connected to your intelligence. Falling in love, which is kind of like falling out of your neocortex into your more primitive instincts, can feel euphoric, but it also bears traits of depression... When we fall in love and project the image of The Perfect One onto our new love interest, it implies that we are incomplete the way we are." And we cannot expect a man, marriage, or even a career to complete us. This is the job of God/Jesus, who is permanent, consistent, perfect, and our guide/rock/protector.

We need to stay present and attentive to any anticipation that overwhelms us or gets our perspective foggy (making us run into falling). We need to stay true to our intentions and expectations. Ask, "What crazy expectations am I feeding myself? Am I projecting the image of the all-loving mother, the father who will take care of me, the great wedding, or the picture book life?" Stay present and avoid getting involved in the dreams of marriage, perfect love, and happily ever after. I know this could be hard in today's society that teaches us to play games, secure the man, etc., but it's about applying spirituality to our relationships. And for that, we cannot let worldly influences to control our actions.

Even though I am single, I am sure that "when we crawl in love we are more likely to find the true fire of hearts meeting because our bond is based on a wide array of experiences, time together, familiarity, and the ability to talk over conflict. Sex and love will flourish alongside the rich, warm feeling that comes from an enduring bond where people dwell in each other's hearts."

I have decided to crawl into love... and yes, it requires patience, faith, endurance, trust in God, and conviction. So today I encourage us all (men & women) to crawl into love so we can discern and make good choices for life.

What do you think? Are you ready to crawl?