Forgive and Forget: The Story with My Ex-Husband

I have been now divorced for 7 years, and I recently decided to pursue the annulment of the Catholic marriage. Throughout this process, I have faced the fear of not being able to start a new family and then the guilt and embarrassment for being so immature in the past. But I overcame all that thanks to the Grace of God and the love and care of friends and family.

This December, I had my appointment at the Ecclesiastical Tribunal to start the demand for the annulment. The lady was so encouraging, telling me the importance of now start thinking on my future and the man I want God to send me. She was joking about me writing a letter to God this Christmas asking for the 5 C’s: Catholic, Committed, with Cash, Car, and Check Book.

But then, she mentioned the unavoidable: contacting my ex-husband so that the process can go smoothly and avoid any delays in the process.

After a few years of the separation and then divorce, I had managed to forgive him and myself for all that happened, but had never thought of getting back in touch with him. I had disappeared from everyone related to him all these years. But committed as I am to getting this annulment, I started searching for ways to get his contact information.

It took contacting 4 of his friends. All of them were somehow surprised to hear from me, but also glad for it. It was so nice to hear from all of them, just like time had not passed. Everyone was very helpful and supportive, which was a great teaching from God as I thought that people had taken parts when we separated.

I then talked to my ex-husband, and it was down to business. I informed him on the process, ask for some information, and then wished happy holidays. It was that! It was nothing… no emotions, no pain, no anger, just nothing… and I’m so thankful to God from freeing myself from any negative feeling related to him.

This is the first time that I have consciously forgiving and forgetting. It’s liberating to know, for sure, that I have gone through this process in such a positive way. Now, I’m certain that the Lord has put this mission in front of me (getting the annulment) because He has great things in store for me.

2011 will be a great year: a year of liberation & new beginnings!

The Gift & Skill of Patience

During the last few months, I have faced different situations that have challenged my patience. These include getting my new job in California, moving my projects along at work, and discovering whether a relationship is more than a friendship. Throughout these experiences, I have found moments when I push for things to happen or to develop. At some point, I may even feel restless, thinking I may be trying too hard without getting any result.
The importance of being patient came to mind, and I did a bit of research on what patience entails. We practice patience with people (when wronged, offended, rejected, or treated unfairly); in trials, inconveniences and when things go wrong; and with ourselves, our personal expectations, aspirations and weaknesses. It is a skill we decide to develop, not an inherited trait.

Patience is about delaying our response and avoiding implulsive fight, fright, or flight (escape) responses. The root words in Greek are:
(1) Makrothumia or long temper. This means delayed reaction to anger, wrath, retaliation, & judgment; and
(2) Hupomeno or to abide under. This implies delayed reaction of frustration, despair, panic, escape, isolation, and running away.

Patience is somehow a gift; and the Bible in facts listed it as one of the graces from the Holy Spirit. To have patience, we need to have hope & love. Hope is what gives us the endurance and the capability of delaying our response. It is about having hope & trust that God will take care of things and clarify the situation for you.

Why is it so hard then? I honestly believe that it’s the fact that we struggle balancing our drive with patience; our intention and commitment to achieve a goal and our ability to let go of the results of our actions. This is an everyday practice of balance. Here are a few tips I found online. Try them when you see things not going your way:
(1) Develop realistic expectations. Learn to expect and plan for things not always going smoothly so you will be prepared if you encounter complications and be pleased if you don't.
(2) Realize that setbacks are only temporary. Resilient people choose to view difficult times as temporary setbacks, believing that the difficulty will pass.
(3) Employ a problem solving attitude instead of choosing to be a victim. People who see themselves as victims seem to believe the world is out to get them, while problem solvers can clearly see what they can and cannot change without taking things so personally.
(4) Have faith that you can overcome a difficult situation. Be patient knowing that if you have overcome a difficulty before that you can use that as encouragement to get through life's ups and downs.
(5) Be aware of triggers that cause you to become impatient. If it's something you can change, take steps to change it. If not, then adjust your attitude and mindset accordingly

Source: http://www.ehow.com/how_2238712_be-patient.html

See a Dream Become Possible

Why don’t more of us look to achieve bold, aggressive goals? We feel afraid because it seems too big or too impossible; we believe we don’t have the skills, connections, or time to do what is needed; we may believe we don’t have the leadership or endurance to do what it takes to get there.

At training at my new job, I learn a new definition of leader and commitment that inspire me in such an energizing way. A leader is he/she who commits to something he/she does not know how to attain. And being committed is about doing what you say you would do, long after the mood have left us.

Let me take you through a bit more on these 2 provoking concepts.

We usually set goals that we know we can achieve. We look at our past to see if we have done it before or if we have done something close enough. We need the security and confidence that we will achieve it. We are not really afraid of change, but we avoid uncertainty at all cost. With this new definition of Leader, I become so much more empowered to shoot high and trust that little by little I will get there. We will need to build bridges that enhance our confidence. By bridges, I mean facts that help you believe that you can attain that goal. For example, I want to be a professional coach; I have no experience, but the feedback I have gotten from friends reveal I have skills. That’s a bridge.

Now to be able to get to that new possibility or dream that we have for ourselves, we need to be committed. It cannot be that today we are excited about it (that’s the mood), and when things start not going too well, we give up. That’s when we have to be more creative and push forward. Being committed is much more that believing; it is about having endurance and confidence that we will get there, while making peace with uncertainty and not knowing exactly how. If you commit to your possibility, you will see how your perception of the world changes and, hence the conversations we have internal and externally.