Today Feeling Alone is a Reason for Joy

Some days I get the feeling that it sucks to be single. Yeah, this feeling of “aloneness” sucks. But today, I got to think about it a bit deeper.

I am so thankful I feel sometimes this way, because:

• This means that I do want to be married and have a family. Admitting that I’m not happily single continues making me understand the wonderful feeling of being a woman and trying to get everything I can as a woman.
• I realize that I do want a relationship. I do want to cuddle while watching TV on a cold day; I desire to have someone who cares about my day and giving me company as much as possible; and I want that special person that is my best friend and lover at the same time.

This feeling of loneliness is a reason of joy. It is a natural progression of my spiritual journey. “As a conscious, forward thinking, fun-loving, choice-making individual, you realize that you hold everything you need inside of yourself but you also realize that you deserve loving and healthy human contact.” So I will continue enjoying waiting for the man God is preparing for me; I will continue meeting lots of people and being my very self; I will continue using this wonderful time to serve and praise God, while leaving enough time for that special one to come to my life; and more importantly, I will not stop believing because I am a child of love and hope.

A Very Hopeful Letter, but Never Sent

Mr. Single Man,

This is not natural to me so please be gentle with me. I rationalize everything; I follow logic more than heart. With you, not the case: My heart is expressing in ways that I can actually understand… it just flows, feels natural and not forced. So, here I am, taking a leap of faith (different from jumping into the pool), getting out of my comfort zone and trying something new.

I know it has been a few times we have shared together, but consistently this is how I have felt:

· I enjoy getting to know about you and I want to know more. I really like your company. You are fun, smart, kind, intellectual, thoughtful, cute, handsome & just great J

· I lose track of time around you, and I don’t want time with you to come to an end. I just want to keep doing things with you or bringing up more topics just to have more time with you. I feel like I want to share with you everything that’s going on with me or that I want to do/experience. :-)

· I can be myself around you. I’m not afraid of what could happen, what you could think, whether you are judging me… I don’t even think about it… I am just my real self. With you, I can be goofy, nerdy, argumentative, silly, sarcastic, Miss Smarty-pants, etc… because you kindly accept me.

All this feels right and good, and I don’t want to give it all up just because I’m a few thousand miles away or afraid of being rejected. I know I cannot ask much, so I would like to humbly request:

Are you willing to staying in touch with me, in a very deliberate way?

Intention is to get to know each other without being worried about distance. When appropriate, we can discuss distance. For now, let’s do phone dating :-)

I know our lives are busy and together we can think of many reasons why this cannot work. But it’s a matter of trying and not calling out the play before the game starts. We will need to be willing to let go a little of our routines and make time/space for each other. Just remember that we cannot see what the other side holds for us if we are not willing to go through the unknown for a bit.

There may even be a reason why God has brought us together right at the time of my move to NY. Let’s take a small leap of faith… what do you say?

If this note offends you or puts you in an uncomfortable position, please forgive me. BUT if your answer is yes, call me as soon as possible and tell me about your day.

Divine Providence

As I thought before: great things were awaiting for me in India. Yesterday, I took a glance at what that big thing could be!

During my flight, I started thinking about unceasant prayer. I have been reading a couple of books that have served as companions in my learning about this topic. They have inspired me and my desire to immerse myself in it has just increased so powerfully in the last 3 days.

Yesterday afternoon, after I returned to "Flourishing Flora" from my town visit, Bob (my Host) shared that he had read my blog, specially the posting about my dream coming to India and how I asked God for a sign that this is what He wanted for me. He and his wife cried at the blessing that their e-mail confirmation meant to me. And then he said "We love Jesus, and you should talk to my wife sometime."

I then spent the next 1-2 hours (have no idea of time) talking with Sonam. Her conversion story and how she had surrendered since then her life and will to God just touched me. She loves Jesus so much that she has given everything away to follow Him and minister others. She went on and on sharing her personal experience with God and how He has used her and Bob in touching and converting so many lost souls. There were just so many things that Sonam shared that were so similar (if not the same) that my books have been teaching me.

It is just unbelievable how God arranges everything for us: my panic attack few days before the trip, the e-mail confirmation of my stay in within hours of the attack, my hosts reading my blog and happened to be Christians as well, and their experiences with faith and how that has become their mission. God works in marvelous ways within our lives, every day. We just need to trust Him and sometimes take that leap of faith to the unknown.

I cannot wait to hear from God and also surrender to His will. This desire for prayer is just the start of His work in my life in the form or helping me serve Him. Only God knows the path ahead of me looks like, but I have now another reason to stay open to whatever He desires. This is so exciting!

After the Storm, the Sun Rises!

Yesterday, I woke up at 3:38am with a pain in my stomach (still there) and a huge need to cry… so much fear and thoughts of something bad to happen during my trip. Last week was very emotional for me; well, much more than what I can handle, so I thought I may have my heart a bit open. But no, this need to cry, scream, run away was like nothing I have felt before.

I played Christian music to help me calm down but no much help. It was like a panic attack. Then, I called the wisest women of my world: my mom. So calmly, she said: “Daughter, you are just afraid… this is a big trip and you will be by yourself for 6 days taking trains and stuff like that in a very unfamiliar place.” God has something big for you during this trip; I have been praying for it for weeks, so push forward. Pray, and pray hard; ask God to tell you if He doesn’t want you to go to India. And if He says no, cancel the trip and go somewhere else.

I kept crying my way out until 6am and, finally, fell asleep. An hour later I woke up, and I had received an email from Dharamasala (Mcleodganj) with a hotel confirmation. I have been very worried because I had not found my hotel in this city for the 3 nights I was planning to visit. There it was: His response… it was clear and straightforward… “Fear not, because I am with you.”

As everything that comes from God, this was not enough. I went to read the daily devotional “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. It says:

Trust ME, and don’t be afraid. I want you to view trials as exercises designed to develop your trust-muscles. You live in the midst of fierce spiritual battles, and fear is one of Satan’s favorite weapons. When you start to feel afraid, affirm your trust in Me… Remember that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Me. You have been judged NOT GUILTY for all eternity. Trust Me, and don’t be afraid; for I am your Strength, Song, and Salvation.”

And I just got my Vitamin of the day. An excerpt says:

“And what I sense in my spirit is the new thing is going to be far greater than you’ve ever seen before. It’s going to be bigger than you imagined. It’s going to be more rewarding than you thought possible. Now you’ve got to come into agreement and say, “Yes, God, this is for me today. I’m not going to get stuck where I am. I’m not going to go around with little dreams, little goals. I know You’re a big God, and You have something big coming my way!”” (by Joel & Victoria).

Moments of Vulnerability

For those who know me well, you know that being vulnerable is not my thing. It is hard for me to let people know what is going on with me, especially if it is related with emotions.

This past week has been full of challenges, and Sunday finally became the day that vulnerability became so evident:

- I stopped at the red light and, all of the sudden, decided to go and almost crashed with another car.

- I had a picnic with friends and left my food in my apartment

- A friend shared her salad with me and half way into eating it I dropped it

- I have insomnia now… being awake since 3:38am. All I feel is pain and fire in my stomach… I am nervous, very…

What am I afraid of? Is it the India trip and the fact that there is barely a plan for those 20 days? Is it the changes in my heart? Or is it the upcoming move?

I have been so afraid of rejection or failure lately that is not even funny. It has become my movie title for the month of August. Interestingly, this time or at least right now I don’t have an answer, other than taking one day at a time, trusting that the way will be shown to me as I go. I just need to continue overcoming those fears and, more importantly, opening my heart to those close to me so I can bring them near and they can help me as I wonder the dark streets of the unknown.

This is so not comfortable…

P.S. As a song I’m listening goes:

“I can only imagine it would be like when I walk by Your side,

I can only imagine when my eyes will see when Your face is before me,

I can only imagine…

Surrounded by Your glory what will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of You will be still,

Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing Hallelujah, Will I be able to speak at all,

I can only imagine!”

The Book that Came Handy for an Important Decision

I have been reading a book called “Spiritual Combat,” which has awakened different reflections in the last week or so. In trying to make a decision on what I really want to do next in my career, I encountered provoking statements about comfort, affliction, and our will. All these play an important role as we try to find unity with God and that internal peace and happiness we are all searching for.

It was kind of enlightening to learn that the struggle of the flesh and the spirit goes way beyond what is material and physical (and hence bad) and what is immaterial and unworldly (and then good). Both of these extremes are totalitarian and incomplete. In the middle of these two is our will that somehow is “worthy of blame because it neither delights in the disgrace of sin nor agrees to the hardship of virtue.” “It is anxious to pursue future blessings in such a way as not to lose present ones.” And this is why it is so important for us to learn and understand our will, which is knowing ourselves, so that we can see what our inclinations, habits and fears are. By this way, when we find ourselves between flesh and spirit we will know what to choose.

What was even more powerful is to understand that if we don’t afflict ourselves (or somehow put ourselves into challenging situations or just make a choice), God will do it for us so that we can change and grow spiritually because it is in nothingness that we find unity with God. Comfort, then, or the idea of keeping things safe, as they are, as it pleases us, becomes the great obstacle to spiritual health. Hence, our main battle is against the self that is constantly trying to either keeps us attached to the known or afraid of the unknown.

The good news is that everything goes back to knowledge of our selves and the understanding of the role of faith within it. “The light is the knowledge faith gives us, and we have seen that our understanding of who we are, of how we are to behave, and of our destiny comes from the revelation of God.” Thus, the effort to accept the truth determines how we behave, making faith such a personal matter. We do not make our circumstances, but we do decide how we use them.

Source: "Spiritual Combat Revisited" by Jonathan Robinson of the Oratory

The Condition of the Soil: The Condition of the Heart

Reading the parable of the Sower made me think of the value of what we put in our heart and feed in it and how it impacts what we are and, more importantly, do.

The seed that fells in hard soil is hard from being on the edge of the path. Thus the seed cannot penetrate the surface, and birds easily devour it. This is our refusal to understanding; our resistance takes away what was sown in our hearts.

The seed in shallow soil is the one with only “a thin layer of topsoil beneath which is a layer of limestone. The plant sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.” This soil heats up quickly eventually causing the plant to shivel up due to its lack of substantial root system. This is when we know the Word (what’s good in our hearts) but, under pressure and trouble, we fall away.

The seed in thorny soil tends “to be much hardier and more aggressive as they grow.” Thus, a young plant can quickly be overwhelmed and entangles, so that it receives little light and is deprived of nourishment. This is when we are distracted from the worries of this life and trying to satisfy this world, so we practice faith but don’t do the works.

Other seed fell on good soil and produce a crop of varying yields. The focus is on the result (producing a crop). This is when we understand (instead of hear), see (instead of look). This is our productive response, practicing faith and works. Then is when we love God with our heart, soul, and might, hence, producing fruits. Here, Jesus finds expression in us by what we do.

Has God’s Word fallen on hard soil? Is the soil of your mind on rocky places? Have you allowed God’s Word to be on thorny soil? Is your mind strangled by your self-love or your love for the things this world offers? Or do you have the soil of an open heart, with a spirit of humility?

Sources: Matthew 13: 3-23

Commentary by Dr. Knox Chamblin

Exegesis by Andrew S. Kulikovsky B.App.Sc (Hons)

A Moment of Abandonment

I have left my blog abandoned for a few months now, and I just wondered, have I done the same with my spiritual food? Not so much as going to Church, but living and experiencing my love for God, making every day purposeful in whatever way, and not letting the day pass without me recognizing it.

This week, I was in a negative mood. I guess I’m missing my spiritual time… the time to reflect, reconnect and re-engage in what matters. All of the sudden, the stress reached the level where I started to feel the need to protect myself and power through things/problems/challenges on my own (without the help of others or God). And I know here is when I can lose balance.

Among all this mini-mess and drama, I cannot stop saying Thanks for being much more self-aware. As I shared before, “thanks and praise” for all the great things I have experienced. And yes, I may still feel off but I recognize it and will do the things I need to get back to the real Yami.

I guess a little bit of crazy won’t kill me after all :-)

Take a Leap of Faith

I have a few friends going through significant transitions: losing jobs, facing moral issues that requires them to stand up against power and authority, getting a divorce or out of an unhealthy relationship, deciding whether to change career paths, etc. What is evident and consistent in all these conversations is how difficult it is for us humans to take a leap of faith towards the unknown.

We resist and resist, even when everything else tells us it is time to move on to the next thing. We want to have everything planned and figured out, forgetting that God works in different ways and with different timing. God reveals to us step by step. But we don’t want to make a mistake; we want to make sure we are doing what God really wants us to do (being cautious); or we cannot believe the work is done in that part of your life.

The Bible says that God’s ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not ours (Isaiah 55:8–9). This is mainly because He has a bigger/higher perspective on everything; He knows what is best for us and has visibility of the full plan. But He guides us one step at a time.

By being faithful, we need to take action and the first step, even when darkness is all we can see. God will then reveal to us in the next move (even if it is to change route again). We need to move being confident that God wants and has the best for us. He will never give us a snake when we asked for fish (Luke 11:11)…. We might still not get the egg, but something even better!

So yes, I understand it is hard to let go of one rope without even seeing the next rope to grab. Sometimes it doesn’t seem rational or logical the way where we are headed. Everyone may think it is the craziest thing to do. But if in your heart, you feel it is right, go for it! God will be there in the next step or other side to catch you and guide you to your place of peace and inner happiness… one step at a time!

We Think We Are Helping... But We Are Being Helped

“As Jesus passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.” (John 9:1-3)

When I first read these verses, I could not stop thinking about Baby Charlie (look previous posts) and his parents. They are wonderful people, full of love, care and compassion for others. And we could question why the son of such great people was born with all those challenges. We are missing the point that the question is not “why” but “what for.” And these verses reveal that it is “so that the works of God might be made visible through him.”

A few days after this reading, I was on my way to France for work. I met this strong Mexican man who is about 45-50 years old. I do not even know how or why, but he revealed to me that her daughter had given him his first grandson, who was born with the Down syndrome. His eyes watered; sadness was visible and even some embarrassment. I quickly pulled my Little Black Book (6-min meditation of the Gospel during Lent) and shared with him this reading and some of the reflections from it. He was relieved, but he had more heavy matters on him that he needed to unload.

This sharing allowed our conversation to go to a whole new level, where I could share a lot of my faith and the tools I have learn in the past few years. This man had feelings of guilt, need for forgiveness, need to control the outcome of her daughter and grandson, and curiosity of God. I am so thankful we crossed paths, and I was able to guide this person in the name and glory of God. And along the way, this became another sign of my true vocation.

All this time, I have felt that because of my lack of experience, I may not be successful as a therapist or counselor. But this man showed me this is not a valid concern or good reason to quit. He showed me I have a gift, whether I want to accept it or not.

I Have Taken Another Street

It seems that life has given me a second chance to do things right (or at least do things for the right reasons), but this time I have taken a different street.

I have been offered the opportunity to work in New York with the plan of getting a promotion, if everything goes well. Similar situation like my last job where I needed to demonstrate I was ready, and everything was int he hands of one person.

What happened then doesn't matter. The fact is that this time, I have taken another street!

Let me first share with you one of the first thoughts that came to my mind when I started entertaining this decision:

There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk

An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, by Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in.

I am lost .... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend that I don't see it. I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in this same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open. I know where I am.

It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

- - - - - -

YES, this time, it’s time for a new street. I don't need to pass by the same one 3 more times. On this new street, I follow my heart and stay where it feels like home. I love California… this is home. And I want to continue building my life here at least for a few years. Career can wait, and New York will always be there. So yes, I am a Californian at heart. I love my sun, looking at the mountains everyday as I drive to work, going for a walk at the beach every possible Sunday, going to Church and Bible Study at OLQA Church, mingling with the LIFT group members, and enjoying my fun team at the office with our silly games, jokes, and contests.

I don’t think 3 years ago I would have even thought of the possibility of saying “no” to a career advancement opportunity. But today, life is good as it is, and I don’t need the title anymore to show that I have value and to feel fulfilled.

This is priceless! And I am thankful for having the opportunity to walk down a different street.

That's the beauty of life. There are many paths and streets. We just need to choose the one our heart and spirit are guiding us towards.

Feasting during Lent!

Lent can be more than a time of fasting; it can be a season of feasting.

We can use Lent to fast from certain things and to feast on others.

Lent is a season in which we can:

Fast from judging others; feast on the Christ Indwelling them.

Fast from emphasis on differences; feast on the unity of all life.

Fast from apparent darkness; feast on the reality of light.

Fast from thoughts of illness; feast on the healing power of God.

Fast from words that pollute; feast on phrases that purify.

Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.

Fast from anger; feast on patience.

Fast from pessimism; feast on optimism.

Fast from worry; feast on divine order.

Fast from complaining; feast on appreciation.

Fast from negatives; feast on affirmatives.

Fast from unrelenting pressures; feast on unceasing prayer.

Fast from hostility; feast on non-resistance.

Fast from bitterness; feast on forgiveness.

Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.

Fast from personal anxiety; feast on eternal Truth.

Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.

Fast from facts that depress; feast on truths that uplift.

Fast from lethargy; feast on enthusiasm.

Fast from suspicion; feast on truth.

Fast from thoughts that weaken; feast on promises that inspire.

Fast from shadows of sorrow; feast on the sunlight of serenity.

Fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence.

Fast from problems that overwhelm; feast on prayer that undergirds.

- William Arthur Ward

(American author, teacher and pastor, 1921-1994.)

Help Charlie Heal!

Charlie Greenman was born on August 4, 2010. About 12 hours after his delivery, he started having seizures. He had suffered a stroke in utero.

He has become to his family & their friends a living example of humility, love, patience, resilience, and dependence on God. I had the privilege to attend Charlie’s Blessing this past weekend, and Sarah, his mom, gave a few words of gratitude. There is one line that moved me and even more than 24 hours later still makes me cry. Sarah said,

“I’m humbled by him and all of you.”

What amazes me is the peace Sarah portrays. She is staying on course with hope, faith, and thankful for the support of people around her. From this experience that, with no doubt, is difficult and painful, she and her family are experiencing the power of faith and dependence on God (through others).

As she later told me, she feels overwhelmed at times and so vulnerable. It’s from weakness, that we gain strength. It is the love and care of their family, friends and even those they don’t even know that keeps them strong.

And here is a great learning: It is by sharing our feelings and problems with those who love us that we find the support and optimism for life. Sometimes we try too hard to be strong and independence, but God asked us to be humble and depend on Him. It is through the difficult experiences in our life that we seek for that Higher Power that never forgets or abandons us.

I am sure that God has a master plan for The Greenman Family. Charlie will do great things and teach us a lot more!

I want to ask you to please read Charlie’s blog and consider helping his family. Charlie will need the help of many doctors and therapists throughout his life, and the kindness & compassions of all of us could help Sarah & Jack to have a bit more piece of mind financially. Please read his story!

Learn More About Charlie & For Donations

http://charliesfund.blogspot.com/

When in Crisis, ONE Day at a Time!

There are times when we become so overwhelmed with our problems or circumstances. Nothing seems going right, and we feel without strength to keep going and striving.

During these times, the best advice I give to friends is taking "one day at a time, baby!" This allows you to break the problem down into pieces that are easier to digest. The problem then does not seem too big or impossible for you to solve. Just do today what you need to do, and do your best while doing it.

Remember to give thanks for the things you have, the love you have, the people who surround you, and the experiences that have made you the way you are. This will help you gain perspective of what matters in life and remember that you are not alone, but have people who love you and will be there to support and help you.

Also, remember your success stories. I am sure that there have been other tough times in your life when you thought the problem or challenge was too big. And still, you made it! Gain confidence that you have all the skills and strength to get through the tough patch because you have done it before!

Finally, have hope by keeping in mind that it is in weakness that we find strength. As the second letter to the Corinthians says, "We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." (Chapter 4, Verses 8-9, 16-17).

He’s Not That Into You Moments

This audiobook is by far one of the funniest things I have heard, but at the same time it’s so liberating!

It frees us women from over-thinking, playing scenarios, and creating excuses for our fellow men. And more importantly, it takes us back to the good-old-times.

My fellow sisters, love is not complicated. If men are interested, they will seek you. If they are not, they will not. Don’t waste your time and beautiful minds in reading between the lines. Don’t confuse any mundane interaction for a date. If he really wants a date, he will ask you out on a date (point blank!). Honestly, it’s so liberating!

There’s not such thing as, “I wanted to slow it down” or “Let’s take some time off.” Why if everything is moving towards the right direction, will you need to slow down? But then, we creative women go with our fantastic reasoning and think that they may be afraid, etc. If he has fears, would you like to marry a guy afraid to make a move or a decision?

Ultimately, God works in marvelous ways and if he is not "the" one is because God has a better, bigger plan in mind. Remember He is higher than us and have a better perspective and outlook in life. Besides, every experience with our fellow brothers is an opportunity for us to grow and learn for the next experience. And please try hard not to create stories on his frustrated past to excuse him, or spend time thinking on all the “would haves” behind your actions… there’s nothing you could have done different for a different outcome. What was is what is the best.

We are beautiful women, created with the love of God, perfect and complete, so we deserve a man that accepts us as we are and is eager to go for it no matter what (commitment).

P.S. By the way, this applies to every man! Don't create the excuse of "he's a Christian," "we're from different backgrounds so communicate different;" "he had a strong experience as a child." No excuses :-)

Lady of Security

This weekend I was anxious because I couldn’t define whether someone likes me or is interested in me as more than a friend. I was even a bit stressed and obsessed with it. And then remember the great lessons from the book “Lady in Waiting”based on the Bible's book of Ruth.

“Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship?” (Kendall & Jones, p. 94). The answer is insecurity because we center our life on something (marriage) or someone (Our Prince) that can be lost or taken away, instead of having it on God that is permanent. Insecurity makes us cling to a relationship or a man; and as Deepak Chopra says, whatever you cling to, you will lose.

God gives us the choice between His plans and ours. And we for sure have a limited perspective on who or where our prince will be. Only God has all things in view, and we should not set for less than God’s best. And trust me, I know this is hard. You may wonder what you can do to get noticed by that man you like, and the answer is nothing. Don’t pursue him, don’t ignore him, and don’t talk about him to ten carefully chosen friends. Just let God do His work on both of you. That’s the only way we can give them the chance to show us they are interested and they are looking to build a relationship with us.

There’s one thing we can do: “turn the whole business to God” (p. 97). Trust that God has his best intention for you and he will take care of you regardless of your circumstances. Be a women secure in God, not in the need to maneuver or manipulate men to get them, because if you maneuver/manipulate to get them you will have to maneuver/manipulate during the whole relationship.

Source: Kendall, Jackie & Jones, Debby. “Lady in Waiting” Expanded Edition.

From Guilt to Liberation

I was reading the other day my journal and ran into this amazing note about how I felt after my confession.

As Catholic, we are recommended to confess at least twice a year (for Advent & Lent), but I have not been in confession for about 5 years. I may have been afraid, embarrassed or just bought into the belief that I didn’t need to confess to another human being.

But I have been growing a lot in my faith during the past few years, so I decided to go to Confession. In summary, it has been the best confession I have ever had. The setting was in a lawn surrounded by green and an amazing California weather. There were just 2 chairs on the lawn. The priest is from Italian background and so loving and compassionate. As soon as he noticed I was nervous, he knew I hadn’t done it in a long time. He forgot all the formality of the confession process and started a conversation with me.

He was focused on connecting with me, understanding my emotions. He shared with me similar personal challenges he had faced and helped me understand how I can overcome those temptations. He asked me to practice forgiving myself so I can be quick at forgiving others and to practice gratitude so I can let go of my pride. I didn’t get a penance but I got some action steps to practice during the day.

But beyond all, I felt so loved, forgiven and liberated… even people told me that I looked so happy and like with 50 pounds off my back.