It seems that several women go through a process of
self-discovery or re-discovery after divorce or long-time relationships. Most
of us state that we lost our selves, letting the partners’ lives and hobbies trump their own. And I couldn’t avoid thinking: why do
we give up on ourselves?
I started this note writing that we should try knowing
ourselves before being married; understanding the things/hobbies we
cannot give up no matter our marital status; and I even thought about encouraging open conversations with your partner on the compromises needed so that both
could feed each others’ dreams and passions. But then, wonderful God and His Holy
Spirit illuminated me… It got to be them because I do not think I could have
come up with this one on my own.
We forget that hobbies and activities only fill our lives of
stuff. It only fills up time and sometimes we can continue adding things
without feeling fulfilled or only attaining temporary fulfillment. Sometimes, it could only serve as a
distraction and a noise for us not to spend time in silence or in servicing
others. I think that everyone, women and men, need to be continuously in search
of their mission in life and what they are called to do for God and ultimately
their salvation. And it is the
duty of a husband and a wife to help his/her partner achieve salvation by
supporting them through their mission. This fulfills our vocation in matrimony.
The mission becomes the passion, and both partners work
together toward supporting, encouraging and helping each other to bring to life
their respective missions. Otherwise, there will always be emptiness in their
hearts. And losing themselves by “doing” what the other does is only a symptom
of a bigger issue. This is the fact that nowadays we spend more time “doing
things of the world” rather that “servicing and loving for God.”
