He’s Not That Into You Moments

This audiobook is by far one of the funniest things I have heard, but at the same time it’s so liberating!

It frees us women from over-thinking, playing scenarios, and creating excuses for our fellow men. And more importantly, it takes us back to the good-old-times.

My fellow sisters, love is not complicated. If men are interested, they will seek you. If they are not, they will not. Don’t waste your time and beautiful minds in reading between the lines. Don’t confuse any mundane interaction for a date. If he really wants a date, he will ask you out on a date (point blank!). Honestly, it’s so liberating!

There’s not such thing as, “I wanted to slow it down” or “Let’s take some time off.” Why if everything is moving towards the right direction, will you need to slow down? But then, we creative women go with our fantastic reasoning and think that they may be afraid, etc. If he has fears, would you like to marry a guy afraid to make a move or a decision?

Ultimately, God works in marvelous ways and if he is not "the" one is because God has a better, bigger plan in mind. Remember He is higher than us and have a better perspective and outlook in life. Besides, every experience with our fellow brothers is an opportunity for us to grow and learn for the next experience. And please try hard not to create stories on his frustrated past to excuse him, or spend time thinking on all the “would haves” behind your actions… there’s nothing you could have done different for a different outcome. What was is what is the best.

We are beautiful women, created with the love of God, perfect and complete, so we deserve a man that accepts us as we are and is eager to go for it no matter what (commitment).

P.S. By the way, this applies to every man! Don't create the excuse of "he's a Christian," "we're from different backgrounds so communicate different;" "he had a strong experience as a child." No excuses :-)

Lady of Security

This weekend I was anxious because I couldn’t define whether someone likes me or is interested in me as more than a friend. I was even a bit stressed and obsessed with it. And then remember the great lessons from the book “Lady in Waiting”based on the Bible's book of Ruth.

“Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship?” (Kendall & Jones, p. 94). The answer is insecurity because we center our life on something (marriage) or someone (Our Prince) that can be lost or taken away, instead of having it on God that is permanent. Insecurity makes us cling to a relationship or a man; and as Deepak Chopra says, whatever you cling to, you will lose.

God gives us the choice between His plans and ours. And we for sure have a limited perspective on who or where our prince will be. Only God has all things in view, and we should not set for less than God’s best. And trust me, I know this is hard. You may wonder what you can do to get noticed by that man you like, and the answer is nothing. Don’t pursue him, don’t ignore him, and don’t talk about him to ten carefully chosen friends. Just let God do His work on both of you. That’s the only way we can give them the chance to show us they are interested and they are looking to build a relationship with us.

There’s one thing we can do: “turn the whole business to God” (p. 97). Trust that God has his best intention for you and he will take care of you regardless of your circumstances. Be a women secure in God, not in the need to maneuver or manipulate men to get them, because if you maneuver/manipulate to get them you will have to maneuver/manipulate during the whole relationship.

Source: Kendall, Jackie & Jones, Debby. “Lady in Waiting” Expanded Edition.

From Guilt to Liberation

I was reading the other day my journal and ran into this amazing note about how I felt after my confession.

As Catholic, we are recommended to confess at least twice a year (for Advent & Lent), but I have not been in confession for about 5 years. I may have been afraid, embarrassed or just bought into the belief that I didn’t need to confess to another human being.

But I have been growing a lot in my faith during the past few years, so I decided to go to Confession. In summary, it has been the best confession I have ever had. The setting was in a lawn surrounded by green and an amazing California weather. There were just 2 chairs on the lawn. The priest is from Italian background and so loving and compassionate. As soon as he noticed I was nervous, he knew I hadn’t done it in a long time. He forgot all the formality of the confession process and started a conversation with me.

He was focused on connecting with me, understanding my emotions. He shared with me similar personal challenges he had faced and helped me understand how I can overcome those temptations. He asked me to practice forgiving myself so I can be quick at forgiving others and to practice gratitude so I can let go of my pride. I didn’t get a penance but I got some action steps to practice during the day.

But beyond all, I felt so loved, forgiven and liberated… even people told me that I looked so happy and like with 50 pounds off my back.

Forgive and Forget: The Story with My Ex-Husband

I have been now divorced for 7 years, and I recently decided to pursue the annulment of the Catholic marriage. Throughout this process, I have faced the fear of not being able to start a new family and then the guilt and embarrassment for being so immature in the past. But I overcame all that thanks to the Grace of God and the love and care of friends and family.

This December, I had my appointment at the Ecclesiastical Tribunal to start the demand for the annulment. The lady was so encouraging, telling me the importance of now start thinking on my future and the man I want God to send me. She was joking about me writing a letter to God this Christmas asking for the 5 C’s: Catholic, Committed, with Cash, Car, and Check Book.

But then, she mentioned the unavoidable: contacting my ex-husband so that the process can go smoothly and avoid any delays in the process.

After a few years of the separation and then divorce, I had managed to forgive him and myself for all that happened, but had never thought of getting back in touch with him. I had disappeared from everyone related to him all these years. But committed as I am to getting this annulment, I started searching for ways to get his contact information.

It took contacting 4 of his friends. All of them were somehow surprised to hear from me, but also glad for it. It was so nice to hear from all of them, just like time had not passed. Everyone was very helpful and supportive, which was a great teaching from God as I thought that people had taken parts when we separated.

I then talked to my ex-husband, and it was down to business. I informed him on the process, ask for some information, and then wished happy holidays. It was that! It was nothing… no emotions, no pain, no anger, just nothing… and I’m so thankful to God from freeing myself from any negative feeling related to him.

This is the first time that I have consciously forgiving and forgetting. It’s liberating to know, for sure, that I have gone through this process in such a positive way. Now, I’m certain that the Lord has put this mission in front of me (getting the annulment) because He has great things in store for me.

2011 will be a great year: a year of liberation & new beginnings!

The Gift & Skill of Patience

During the last few months, I have faced different situations that have challenged my patience. These include getting my new job in California, moving my projects along at work, and discovering whether a relationship is more than a friendship. Throughout these experiences, I have found moments when I push for things to happen or to develop. At some point, I may even feel restless, thinking I may be trying too hard without getting any result.
The importance of being patient came to mind, and I did a bit of research on what patience entails. We practice patience with people (when wronged, offended, rejected, or treated unfairly); in trials, inconveniences and when things go wrong; and with ourselves, our personal expectations, aspirations and weaknesses. It is a skill we decide to develop, not an inherited trait.

Patience is about delaying our response and avoiding implulsive fight, fright, or flight (escape) responses. The root words in Greek are:
(1) Makrothumia or long temper. This means delayed reaction to anger, wrath, retaliation, & judgment; and
(2) Hupomeno or to abide under. This implies delayed reaction of frustration, despair, panic, escape, isolation, and running away.

Patience is somehow a gift; and the Bible in facts listed it as one of the graces from the Holy Spirit. To have patience, we need to have hope & love. Hope is what gives us the endurance and the capability of delaying our response. It is about having hope & trust that God will take care of things and clarify the situation for you.

Why is it so hard then? I honestly believe that it’s the fact that we struggle balancing our drive with patience; our intention and commitment to achieve a goal and our ability to let go of the results of our actions. This is an everyday practice of balance. Here are a few tips I found online. Try them when you see things not going your way:
(1) Develop realistic expectations. Learn to expect and plan for things not always going smoothly so you will be prepared if you encounter complications and be pleased if you don't.
(2) Realize that setbacks are only temporary. Resilient people choose to view difficult times as temporary setbacks, believing that the difficulty will pass.
(3) Employ a problem solving attitude instead of choosing to be a victim. People who see themselves as victims seem to believe the world is out to get them, while problem solvers can clearly see what they can and cannot change without taking things so personally.
(4) Have faith that you can overcome a difficult situation. Be patient knowing that if you have overcome a difficulty before that you can use that as encouragement to get through life's ups and downs.
(5) Be aware of triggers that cause you to become impatient. If it's something you can change, take steps to change it. If not, then adjust your attitude and mindset accordingly

Source: http://www.ehow.com/how_2238712_be-patient.html

See a Dream Become Possible

Why don’t more of us look to achieve bold, aggressive goals? We feel afraid because it seems too big or too impossible; we believe we don’t have the skills, connections, or time to do what is needed; we may believe we don’t have the leadership or endurance to do what it takes to get there.

At training at my new job, I learn a new definition of leader and commitment that inspire me in such an energizing way. A leader is he/she who commits to something he/she does not know how to attain. And being committed is about doing what you say you would do, long after the mood have left us.

Let me take you through a bit more on these 2 provoking concepts.

We usually set goals that we know we can achieve. We look at our past to see if we have done it before or if we have done something close enough. We need the security and confidence that we will achieve it. We are not really afraid of change, but we avoid uncertainty at all cost. With this new definition of Leader, I become so much more empowered to shoot high and trust that little by little I will get there. We will need to build bridges that enhance our confidence. By bridges, I mean facts that help you believe that you can attain that goal. For example, I want to be a professional coach; I have no experience, but the feedback I have gotten from friends reveal I have skills. That’s a bridge.

Now to be able to get to that new possibility or dream that we have for ourselves, we need to be committed. It cannot be that today we are excited about it (that’s the mood), and when things start not going too well, we give up. That’s when we have to be more creative and push forward. Being committed is much more that believing; it is about having endurance and confidence that we will get there, while making peace with uncertainty and not knowing exactly how. If you commit to your possibility, you will see how your perception of the world changes and, hence the conversations we have internal and externally.

Through Suffering, We Meet Faith & God's Grace

It’s just amazing and almost miraculous when I have felt I cannot keep going any longer, and all of the sudden, something happens that clears everything. It may come as an additional push of strength, or someone’s timely advice, or a movie you watch, or on the clarity of a solution, but it always comes.

Thomas Merton, in his book “No Man Is An Island,” says: “To believe in suffering is pride: but to suffer, believing in God, is humility.” This is mainly because pride tells us that we are strong enough to go through life and problems on our own; we can power through them with need of no one but ourselves because we are that good. However, humility tells us that even though suffering is an evil thing, it gives us the opportunity to experience the mercy of God, whose grace allows us to overcome evil with good.

Put this way, suffering is good. It allows us to receive abundantly from God and make us better and stronger. The Letter of St. Paul to Titus says: “But when the kindness and generous love of God our savior appeared, not because of any righteous deeds we had done but because of his mercy. (Ti 3:4-5). However, suffering does not come from God; it is the result of the fall of men and our collective sins.

Suffering is also a good opportunity to practice endurance of our faith, especially in prolonged periods of suffering. Faith is not only to believe in what you cannot see. Its Greek translation corresponds to the “noun πίστις (pistis) or the verb πιστεύω (pisteuo), meaning to trust, to have confidence, faithfulness, to be reliable, to assure” (Source: Wikipedia). It is then an attitude of firm conviction (not a hope or idea) that God will provide for you and helps you coming through that suffering.

I still remember like yesterday those 11 months that I was pursuing my move to California. It was very hard at work… I had to practice patience, endurance and humility almost every week. And one week, when I thought I just cannot keep going, I was driving and started to talk with God. I said something like, “God, after this interview, I will take a couple of months off. If this desire is not aligned with Your Will, please take it away… but if it is aligned, send me a sign and make it stronger.” The very next day, I got a phone call with a job offer. This was not me… this was supernatural… this was the mysterious grace of God! This became a strong testimony in my life to trust the Lord and let Him work things on his timing.

Do you have similar examples? Please share. Let’s rejoice and inspire one another on the works of faith in our lives.