Do we give too much of ourselves to please our partners?

It seems that several women go through a process of self-discovery or re-discovery after divorce or long-time relationships. Most of us state that we lost our selves, letting the partners’ lives and hobbies trump their own.  And I couldn’t avoid thinking: why do we give up on ourselves?

I started this note writing that we should try knowing ourselves before being married; understanding the things/hobbies we cannot give up no matter our marital status; and I even thought about encouraging open conversations with your partner on the compromises needed so that both could feed each others’ dreams and passions. But then, wonderful God and His Holy Spirit illuminated me… It got to be them because I do not think I could have come up with this one on my own.

We forget that hobbies and activities only fill our lives of stuff. It only fills up time and sometimes we can continue adding things without feeling fulfilled or only attaining temporary fulfillment.  Sometimes, it could only serve as a distraction and a noise for us not to spend time in silence or in servicing others. I think that everyone, women and men, need to be continuously in search of their mission in life and what they are called to do for God and ultimately their salvation.  And it is the duty of a husband and a wife to help his/her partner achieve salvation by supporting them through their mission. This fulfills our vocation in matrimony.

The mission becomes the passion, and both partners work together toward supporting, encouraging and helping each other to bring to life their respective missions. Otherwise, there will always be emptiness in their hearts. And losing themselves by “doing” what the other does is only a symptom of a bigger issue. This is the fact that nowadays we spend more time “doing things of the world” rather that “servicing and loving for God.”

Are you letting 'good' get in the way of 'better'?

The act of faith is not easy to make. It demands, among other things, that we gamble real life on hope, that we give up what we already possess, see, and understand, for something that we do not yet possess, see, or understand. It is not easy, or natural, to make the leap of faith, to learn to live life and draw support from that which is beyond what we can experience naturally.”

- - from A Restless Heart

Would you be willing to leave a perfect, comfortable life with the security of a good salary, support system, social life, etc.?  Many would stay within their current lives, instead of starting something new, that we may not know perfectly how things would work. Either way is good… but one would be better.

A Franciscan nun offered me a thought during my decision-making process about moving from NYC to Panama. It was that the hardest decision is when we need to choose and differentiate between good and better. And the most important principle is to never let good get in the way of better.

Deciding between good and better is a difficult task because we could potentially continue doing what we are doing and be perfectly happy. The challenge is that we would never know if choosing the other option of life would get us to a better place. For this reason, it is important to understand the intention of our hearts in leaning towards one option versus another, as well as to dedicate time for discernment and reflection.

In my case, my current situation at that time was my life in NYC and ultimately the USA. I was doing pretty well at work, while having such an active life in the city. I had different groups of friends and was giving back to my Church community as never before. It was hard for me to think about being in a better place than the comfort I gained in the USA, where I knew how to find a job, how to make friends quickly, and had a support system from every city I have lived in.

Here is where the second thought made the difference for me: do not let good gets into the way of better. Being able to choose which option was good or better was tricky and required much reflection. I took time to visualize each one of my options and then write down pros/cons, feelings and concerns associated with the life I imagined. Reality is that I could not think of any other reason to stay in USA other than the security of work and money.  That had nothing to do with our mission as Christians, which is love.

Panama offered me the support and love of my family. It has been more than a decade since I left Panama, and there is a lot of fear involved in going there. My family does not really know how I have changed; my friends are not used to have me as part of their lives; I have never had the need to find a job there; and Panama is a society that moves with contacts and social status and I have none of those. However, Panama is my home, where my heart is along with all my loved ones.

… So I chose Panama, a country full of unknown to me. All I can do now is to be excited about this adventure, trusting that God did not put this desire in my heart for no good reason.

The Spiritual Side of NYC!

NYC makes you strong in many ways.  It teaches you to walk fast and walk everywhere, run to the subway or to get the taxi first, not to notice the homeless as they are so many, park your car fast as people don’t have the time to wait, not to let others run you over or over you, tough it up while getting any public process done, hold a long night of party, and so much more.  But NYC, like any other city and place in the world, has a beautiful side… a soft side that builds your heart.

NYC taught me about love, patience and faith. I only lived there for about 20 months, and my community and friends made me fall in love with the city. From the corner bakery servers to Don Pedro & Beto in the parking garage and my Panamanian dancing group in Brooklyn… everyone offered me a kind heart, a candid hello, a warm welcome and farewell. The best was the Ascension Church, and everything I got to learn in the Charismatic Movement.

Using the talents and gifts God has given me for the benefit of His Church is how I started learning about love.  The greatest example was the strong desire I felt to leave all my belongings within the Church community. I still have a long journey towards love, but NYC gave me the opportunity to discover how I can go about this. I am confident that God will also guide me in the next few months on loving!

Working with the young adults group at Church gave me the initial steps towards practicing patience. It requires time to let God work in the hearts and minds of a team. Even if I knew how to get the outcome, I needed to teach the team how to get things done so that they could get inspired and learn about their own potential. It is now so fulfilling to see how the group has defined its vision and a strong plan to conquer the hearts of the youth in NYC.

Faith continues to be a work in progress.  It was in a Healing Retreat where I had the vision of returning home. And the process to make the decision final took patience but much more faith.  Leaving the known and the comfort of my life in the USA to come to the unknown but familiar home in Panama was a challenge that taught me about putting my trust on that vision that I had and knowing with confidence that God put that in my heart for a very good reason: because He will give me abundantly! However, I didn’t know what that abundance would be… and I confess I am still on that journey.

NYC is a wonderful city, a city where you could find any experience you can imagine. And I am so happy that I got to practice love, patience and faith in that beautiful, exhilarating city.

Coming back to Sharing

It has been almost 2 years. It doesn't mean that I have stop writing; I just stopped sharing. The death of my sister brought about some emotions and questions that I hadn't faced before. I got paralyzed for a few months and afraid of making decisions that could change the course of my last 18 years.

Today, the fear of other new things are here, but sharing and loving is a way to release. It's ultimately our purpose in life, so I'm ready to share.

I'll be playing a bit of flashback bringing some of the unrevealed writings of the last 2 years. Hope you enjoy it!

Losing a Sister, Having a Shining Star for Life!

This Holiday Season was an unforgettable one… I lost my sister Sussy. She was admitted into the hospital the night of December 25^th, passed away on December 31^st, and was buried on January 6^th. Sussy was my oldest sister from the side of my dad. She was 37 and mother of 4: a teenager girl, a 4-yr. old boy, and 10 months old twin girls. Even though we did not grow up being very close to each other, losing her had a significant meaning for me. Ultimately, she was my sister and we shared good moments together.

During her funeral service, the Priest gave us a beautiful message about the Epiphany, which has kept me inspired to do a bit more research. “The Epiphany takes its name from the Greek epiphania, which denotes the visit of a god to earth. The first idea of the feast is the manifestation of Christ as the Son of God. The feast unites three events in the life of Christ when His divinity, as it were, shines through His humanity: the adoration of the Magi; the baptism of Christ in the Jordan; and the first miracle at the wedding feast of Cana. A second important idea in Epiphany is the extension of Christ's kingship to the whole world. The revelation of Christ to the three kings at Bethlehem is a symbol of His revelation to the whole of the Gentile world. Epiphany presents to us the calling of not merely a chosen few, but all nations to Christianity. Closely linked to both these themes of divine manifestation and world kingship is a third idea running through the Epiphany feast: that of light. At Christmas the Light shone forth, but dimly, seen only by a few around the crib: Mary and Joseph and the shepherds. But at Epiphany the Light bursts forth to all nations and the prophecy is fulfilled: "The Gentiles shall walk in Thy light, and kings in the brightness of Thy rising." The mysterious star of Epiphany, ‘flashing like a flame,’ is still another facet of the light-motif.”

The Priest told us that life is full of stars or situations to direct us or show us the way to the light. He asked us to think of Sussy as a flashing star. This has made me reflect significantly in my relationship with my siblings (especially from dad side). And I want to be more for them… I want us to be a family. I want them to feel that they can count on me; I want to make them smile and share great moments with them. I want to also be close to my other nephews and nieces… guide them and advise them, or simply be there for them.

But the Epiphany also gives me a message of courage. “Like the three wise men, we should have the courage to follow the light of the star we have seen, however hazardous the journey; that the light of our faith, like that of the wise men, should be so strong that we are able to see and recognize our Lord and Ruler in however unexpected a way He may present Himself to us.” I hope and pray I can face with courage and humility every situation that comes my way, in my desire to strengthen my family relationships and carry the light of Christ to all those I meet in my journey.

Source:

http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/activities/view.cfm?id=442

Today Feeling Alone is a Reason for Joy

Some days I get the feeling that it sucks to be single. Yeah, this feeling of “aloneness” sucks. But today, I got to think about it a bit deeper.

I am so thankful I feel sometimes this way, because:

• This means that I do want to be married and have a family. Admitting that I’m not happily single continues making me understand the wonderful feeling of being a woman and trying to get everything I can as a woman.
• I realize that I do want a relationship. I do want to cuddle while watching TV on a cold day; I desire to have someone who cares about my day and giving me company as much as possible; and I want that special person that is my best friend and lover at the same time.

This feeling of loneliness is a reason of joy. It is a natural progression of my spiritual journey. “As a conscious, forward thinking, fun-loving, choice-making individual, you realize that you hold everything you need inside of yourself but you also realize that you deserve loving and healthy human contact.” So I will continue enjoying waiting for the man God is preparing for me; I will continue meeting lots of people and being my very self; I will continue using this wonderful time to serve and praise God, while leaving enough time for that special one to come to my life; and more importantly, I will not stop believing because I am a child of love and hope.

A Very Hopeful Letter, but Never Sent

Mr. Single Man,

This is not natural to me so please be gentle with me. I rationalize everything; I follow logic more than heart. With you, not the case: My heart is expressing in ways that I can actually understand… it just flows, feels natural and not forced. So, here I am, taking a leap of faith (different from jumping into the pool), getting out of my comfort zone and trying something new.

I know it has been a few times we have shared together, but consistently this is how I have felt:

· I enjoy getting to know about you and I want to know more. I really like your company. You are fun, smart, kind, intellectual, thoughtful, cute, handsome & just great J

· I lose track of time around you, and I don’t want time with you to come to an end. I just want to keep doing things with you or bringing up more topics just to have more time with you. I feel like I want to share with you everything that’s going on with me or that I want to do/experience. :-)

· I can be myself around you. I’m not afraid of what could happen, what you could think, whether you are judging me… I don’t even think about it… I am just my real self. With you, I can be goofy, nerdy, argumentative, silly, sarcastic, Miss Smarty-pants, etc… because you kindly accept me.

All this feels right and good, and I don’t want to give it all up just because I’m a few thousand miles away or afraid of being rejected. I know I cannot ask much, so I would like to humbly request:

Are you willing to staying in touch with me, in a very deliberate way?

Intention is to get to know each other without being worried about distance. When appropriate, we can discuss distance. For now, let’s do phone dating :-)

I know our lives are busy and together we can think of many reasons why this cannot work. But it’s a matter of trying and not calling out the play before the game starts. We will need to be willing to let go a little of our routines and make time/space for each other. Just remember that we cannot see what the other side holds for us if we are not willing to go through the unknown for a bit.

There may even be a reason why God has brought us together right at the time of my move to NY. Let’s take a small leap of faith… what do you say?

If this note offends you or puts you in an uncomfortable position, please forgive me. BUT if your answer is yes, call me as soon as possible and tell me about your day.

Divine Providence

As I thought before: great things were awaiting for me in India. Yesterday, I took a glance at what that big thing could be!

During my flight, I started thinking about unceasant prayer. I have been reading a couple of books that have served as companions in my learning about this topic. They have inspired me and my desire to immerse myself in it has just increased so powerfully in the last 3 days.

Yesterday afternoon, after I returned to "Flourishing Flora" from my town visit, Bob (my Host) shared that he had read my blog, specially the posting about my dream coming to India and how I asked God for a sign that this is what He wanted for me. He and his wife cried at the blessing that their e-mail confirmation meant to me. And then he said "We love Jesus, and you should talk to my wife sometime."

I then spent the next 1-2 hours (have no idea of time) talking with Sonam. Her conversion story and how she had surrendered since then her life and will to God just touched me. She loves Jesus so much that she has given everything away to follow Him and minister others. She went on and on sharing her personal experience with God and how He has used her and Bob in touching and converting so many lost souls. There were just so many things that Sonam shared that were so similar (if not the same) that my books have been teaching me.

It is just unbelievable how God arranges everything for us: my panic attack few days before the trip, the e-mail confirmation of my stay in within hours of the attack, my hosts reading my blog and happened to be Christians as well, and their experiences with faith and how that has become their mission. God works in marvelous ways within our lives, every day. We just need to trust Him and sometimes take that leap of faith to the unknown.

I cannot wait to hear from God and also surrender to His will. This desire for prayer is just the start of His work in my life in the form or helping me serve Him. Only God knows the path ahead of me looks like, but I have now another reason to stay open to whatever He desires. This is so exciting!

After the Storm, the Sun Rises!

Yesterday, I woke up at 3:38am with a pain in my stomach (still there) and a huge need to cry… so much fear and thoughts of something bad to happen during my trip. Last week was very emotional for me; well, much more than what I can handle, so I thought I may have my heart a bit open. But no, this need to cry, scream, run away was like nothing I have felt before.

I played Christian music to help me calm down but no much help. It was like a panic attack. Then, I called the wisest women of my world: my mom. So calmly, she said: “Daughter, you are just afraid… this is a big trip and you will be by yourself for 6 days taking trains and stuff like that in a very unfamiliar place.” God has something big for you during this trip; I have been praying for it for weeks, so push forward. Pray, and pray hard; ask God to tell you if He doesn’t want you to go to India. And if He says no, cancel the trip and go somewhere else.

I kept crying my way out until 6am and, finally, fell asleep. An hour later I woke up, and I had received an email from Dharamasala (Mcleodganj) with a hotel confirmation. I have been very worried because I had not found my hotel in this city for the 3 nights I was planning to visit. There it was: His response… it was clear and straightforward… “Fear not, because I am with you.”

As everything that comes from God, this was not enough. I went to read the daily devotional “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. It says:

Trust ME, and don’t be afraid. I want you to view trials as exercises designed to develop your trust-muscles. You live in the midst of fierce spiritual battles, and fear is one of Satan’s favorite weapons. When you start to feel afraid, affirm your trust in Me… Remember that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Me. You have been judged NOT GUILTY for all eternity. Trust Me, and don’t be afraid; for I am your Strength, Song, and Salvation.”

And I just got my Vitamin of the day. An excerpt says:

“And what I sense in my spirit is the new thing is going to be far greater than you’ve ever seen before. It’s going to be bigger than you imagined. It’s going to be more rewarding than you thought possible. Now you’ve got to come into agreement and say, “Yes, God, this is for me today. I’m not going to get stuck where I am. I’m not going to go around with little dreams, little goals. I know You’re a big God, and You have something big coming my way!”” (by Joel & Victoria).

Moments of Vulnerability

For those who know me well, you know that being vulnerable is not my thing. It is hard for me to let people know what is going on with me, especially if it is related with emotions.

This past week has been full of challenges, and Sunday finally became the day that vulnerability became so evident:

- I stopped at the red light and, all of the sudden, decided to go and almost crashed with another car.

- I had a picnic with friends and left my food in my apartment

- A friend shared her salad with me and half way into eating it I dropped it

- I have insomnia now… being awake since 3:38am. All I feel is pain and fire in my stomach… I am nervous, very…

What am I afraid of? Is it the India trip and the fact that there is barely a plan for those 20 days? Is it the changes in my heart? Or is it the upcoming move?

I have been so afraid of rejection or failure lately that is not even funny. It has become my movie title for the month of August. Interestingly, this time or at least right now I don’t have an answer, other than taking one day at a time, trusting that the way will be shown to me as I go. I just need to continue overcoming those fears and, more importantly, opening my heart to those close to me so I can bring them near and they can help me as I wonder the dark streets of the unknown.

This is so not comfortable…

P.S. As a song I’m listening goes:

“I can only imagine it would be like when I walk by Your side,

I can only imagine when my eyes will see when Your face is before me,

I can only imagine…

Surrounded by Your glory what will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of You will be still,

Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing Hallelujah, Will I be able to speak at all,

I can only imagine!”

The Book that Came Handy for an Important Decision

I have been reading a book called “Spiritual Combat,” which has awakened different reflections in the last week or so. In trying to make a decision on what I really want to do next in my career, I encountered provoking statements about comfort, affliction, and our will. All these play an important role as we try to find unity with God and that internal peace and happiness we are all searching for.

It was kind of enlightening to learn that the struggle of the flesh and the spirit goes way beyond what is material and physical (and hence bad) and what is immaterial and unworldly (and then good). Both of these extremes are totalitarian and incomplete. In the middle of these two is our will that somehow is “worthy of blame because it neither delights in the disgrace of sin nor agrees to the hardship of virtue.” “It is anxious to pursue future blessings in such a way as not to lose present ones.” And this is why it is so important for us to learn and understand our will, which is knowing ourselves, so that we can see what our inclinations, habits and fears are. By this way, when we find ourselves between flesh and spirit we will know what to choose.

What was even more powerful is to understand that if we don’t afflict ourselves (or somehow put ourselves into challenging situations or just make a choice), God will do it for us so that we can change and grow spiritually because it is in nothingness that we find unity with God. Comfort, then, or the idea of keeping things safe, as they are, as it pleases us, becomes the great obstacle to spiritual health. Hence, our main battle is against the self that is constantly trying to either keeps us attached to the known or afraid of the unknown.

The good news is that everything goes back to knowledge of our selves and the understanding of the role of faith within it. “The light is the knowledge faith gives us, and we have seen that our understanding of who we are, of how we are to behave, and of our destiny comes from the revelation of God.” Thus, the effort to accept the truth determines how we behave, making faith such a personal matter. We do not make our circumstances, but we do decide how we use them.

Source: "Spiritual Combat Revisited" by Jonathan Robinson of the Oratory

The Condition of the Soil: The Condition of the Heart

Reading the parable of the Sower made me think of the value of what we put in our heart and feed in it and how it impacts what we are and, more importantly, do.

The seed that fells in hard soil is hard from being on the edge of the path. Thus the seed cannot penetrate the surface, and birds easily devour it. This is our refusal to understanding; our resistance takes away what was sown in our hearts.

The seed in shallow soil is the one with only “a thin layer of topsoil beneath which is a layer of limestone. The plant sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.” This soil heats up quickly eventually causing the plant to shivel up due to its lack of substantial root system. This is when we know the Word (what’s good in our hearts) but, under pressure and trouble, we fall away.

The seed in thorny soil tends “to be much hardier and more aggressive as they grow.” Thus, a young plant can quickly be overwhelmed and entangles, so that it receives little light and is deprived of nourishment. This is when we are distracted from the worries of this life and trying to satisfy this world, so we practice faith but don’t do the works.

Other seed fell on good soil and produce a crop of varying yields. The focus is on the result (producing a crop). This is when we understand (instead of hear), see (instead of look). This is our productive response, practicing faith and works. Then is when we love God with our heart, soul, and might, hence, producing fruits. Here, Jesus finds expression in us by what we do.

Has God’s Word fallen on hard soil? Is the soil of your mind on rocky places? Have you allowed God’s Word to be on thorny soil? Is your mind strangled by your self-love or your love for the things this world offers? Or do you have the soil of an open heart, with a spirit of humility?

Sources: Matthew 13: 3-23

Commentary by Dr. Knox Chamblin

Exegesis by Andrew S. Kulikovsky B.App.Sc (Hons)

A Moment of Abandonment

I have left my blog abandoned for a few months now, and I just wondered, have I done the same with my spiritual food? Not so much as going to Church, but living and experiencing my love for God, making every day purposeful in whatever way, and not letting the day pass without me recognizing it.

This week, I was in a negative mood. I guess I’m missing my spiritual time… the time to reflect, reconnect and re-engage in what matters. All of the sudden, the stress reached the level where I started to feel the need to protect myself and power through things/problems/challenges on my own (without the help of others or God). And I know here is when I can lose balance.

Among all this mini-mess and drama, I cannot stop saying Thanks for being much more self-aware. As I shared before, “thanks and praise” for all the great things I have experienced. And yes, I may still feel off but I recognize it and will do the things I need to get back to the real Yami.

I guess a little bit of crazy won’t kill me after all :-)

Take a Leap of Faith

I have a few friends going through significant transitions: losing jobs, facing moral issues that requires them to stand up against power and authority, getting a divorce or out of an unhealthy relationship, deciding whether to change career paths, etc. What is evident and consistent in all these conversations is how difficult it is for us humans to take a leap of faith towards the unknown.

We resist and resist, even when everything else tells us it is time to move on to the next thing. We want to have everything planned and figured out, forgetting that God works in different ways and with different timing. God reveals to us step by step. But we don’t want to make a mistake; we want to make sure we are doing what God really wants us to do (being cautious); or we cannot believe the work is done in that part of your life.

The Bible says that God’s ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not ours (Isaiah 55:8–9). This is mainly because He has a bigger/higher perspective on everything; He knows what is best for us and has visibility of the full plan. But He guides us one step at a time.

By being faithful, we need to take action and the first step, even when darkness is all we can see. God will then reveal to us in the next move (even if it is to change route again). We need to move being confident that God wants and has the best for us. He will never give us a snake when we asked for fish (Luke 11:11)…. We might still not get the egg, but something even better!

So yes, I understand it is hard to let go of one rope without even seeing the next rope to grab. Sometimes it doesn’t seem rational or logical the way where we are headed. Everyone may think it is the craziest thing to do. But if in your heart, you feel it is right, go for it! God will be there in the next step or other side to catch you and guide you to your place of peace and inner happiness… one step at a time!

We Think We Are Helping... But We Are Being Helped

“As Jesus passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.” (John 9:1-3)

When I first read these verses, I could not stop thinking about Baby Charlie (look previous posts) and his parents. They are wonderful people, full of love, care and compassion for others. And we could question why the son of such great people was born with all those challenges. We are missing the point that the question is not “why” but “what for.” And these verses reveal that it is “so that the works of God might be made visible through him.”

A few days after this reading, I was on my way to France for work. I met this strong Mexican man who is about 45-50 years old. I do not even know how or why, but he revealed to me that her daughter had given him his first grandson, who was born with the Down syndrome. His eyes watered; sadness was visible and even some embarrassment. I quickly pulled my Little Black Book (6-min meditation of the Gospel during Lent) and shared with him this reading and some of the reflections from it. He was relieved, but he had more heavy matters on him that he needed to unload.

This sharing allowed our conversation to go to a whole new level, where I could share a lot of my faith and the tools I have learn in the past few years. This man had feelings of guilt, need for forgiveness, need to control the outcome of her daughter and grandson, and curiosity of God. I am so thankful we crossed paths, and I was able to guide this person in the name and glory of God. And along the way, this became another sign of my true vocation.

All this time, I have felt that because of my lack of experience, I may not be successful as a therapist or counselor. But this man showed me this is not a valid concern or good reason to quit. He showed me I have a gift, whether I want to accept it or not.

I Have Taken Another Street

It seems that life has given me a second chance to do things right (or at least do things for the right reasons), but this time I have taken a different street.

I have been offered the opportunity to work in New York with the plan of getting a promotion, if everything goes well. Similar situation like my last job where I needed to demonstrate I was ready, and everything was int he hands of one person.

What happened then doesn't matter. The fact is that this time, I have taken another street!

Let me first share with you one of the first thoughts that came to my mind when I started entertaining this decision:

There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk

An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, by Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in.

I am lost .... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend that I don't see it. I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in this same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open. I know where I am.

It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

- - - - - -

YES, this time, it’s time for a new street. I don't need to pass by the same one 3 more times. On this new street, I follow my heart and stay where it feels like home. I love California… this is home. And I want to continue building my life here at least for a few years. Career can wait, and New York will always be there. So yes, I am a Californian at heart. I love my sun, looking at the mountains everyday as I drive to work, going for a walk at the beach every possible Sunday, going to Church and Bible Study at OLQA Church, mingling with the LIFT group members, and enjoying my fun team at the office with our silly games, jokes, and contests.

I don’t think 3 years ago I would have even thought of the possibility of saying “no” to a career advancement opportunity. But today, life is good as it is, and I don’t need the title anymore to show that I have value and to feel fulfilled.

This is priceless! And I am thankful for having the opportunity to walk down a different street.

That's the beauty of life. There are many paths and streets. We just need to choose the one our heart and spirit are guiding us towards.

Feasting during Lent!

Lent can be more than a time of fasting; it can be a season of feasting.

We can use Lent to fast from certain things and to feast on others.

Lent is a season in which we can:

Fast from judging others; feast on the Christ Indwelling them.

Fast from emphasis on differences; feast on the unity of all life.

Fast from apparent darkness; feast on the reality of light.

Fast from thoughts of illness; feast on the healing power of God.

Fast from words that pollute; feast on phrases that purify.

Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.

Fast from anger; feast on patience.

Fast from pessimism; feast on optimism.

Fast from worry; feast on divine order.

Fast from complaining; feast on appreciation.

Fast from negatives; feast on affirmatives.

Fast from unrelenting pressures; feast on unceasing prayer.

Fast from hostility; feast on non-resistance.

Fast from bitterness; feast on forgiveness.

Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.

Fast from personal anxiety; feast on eternal Truth.

Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.

Fast from facts that depress; feast on truths that uplift.

Fast from lethargy; feast on enthusiasm.

Fast from suspicion; feast on truth.

Fast from thoughts that weaken; feast on promises that inspire.

Fast from shadows of sorrow; feast on the sunlight of serenity.

Fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence.

Fast from problems that overwhelm; feast on prayer that undergirds.

- William Arthur Ward

(American author, teacher and pastor, 1921-1994.)

Help Charlie Heal!

Charlie Greenman was born on August 4, 2010. About 12 hours after his delivery, he started having seizures. He had suffered a stroke in utero.

He has become to his family & their friends a living example of humility, love, patience, resilience, and dependence on God. I had the privilege to attend Charlie’s Blessing this past weekend, and Sarah, his mom, gave a few words of gratitude. There is one line that moved me and even more than 24 hours later still makes me cry. Sarah said,

“I’m humbled by him and all of you.”

What amazes me is the peace Sarah portrays. She is staying on course with hope, faith, and thankful for the support of people around her. From this experience that, with no doubt, is difficult and painful, she and her family are experiencing the power of faith and dependence on God (through others).

As she later told me, she feels overwhelmed at times and so vulnerable. It’s from weakness, that we gain strength. It is the love and care of their family, friends and even those they don’t even know that keeps them strong.

And here is a great learning: It is by sharing our feelings and problems with those who love us that we find the support and optimism for life. Sometimes we try too hard to be strong and independence, but God asked us to be humble and depend on Him. It is through the difficult experiences in our life that we seek for that Higher Power that never forgets or abandons us.

I am sure that God has a master plan for The Greenman Family. Charlie will do great things and teach us a lot more!

I want to ask you to please read Charlie’s blog and consider helping his family. Charlie will need the help of many doctors and therapists throughout his life, and the kindness & compassions of all of us could help Sarah & Jack to have a bit more piece of mind financially. Please read his story!

Learn More About Charlie & For Donations

http://charliesfund.blogspot.com/

When in Crisis, ONE Day at a Time!

There are times when we become so overwhelmed with our problems or circumstances. Nothing seems going right, and we feel without strength to keep going and striving.

During these times, the best advice I give to friends is taking "one day at a time, baby!" This allows you to break the problem down into pieces that are easier to digest. The problem then does not seem too big or impossible for you to solve. Just do today what you need to do, and do your best while doing it.

Remember to give thanks for the things you have, the love you have, the people who surround you, and the experiences that have made you the way you are. This will help you gain perspective of what matters in life and remember that you are not alone, but have people who love you and will be there to support and help you.

Also, remember your success stories. I am sure that there have been other tough times in your life when you thought the problem or challenge was too big. And still, you made it! Gain confidence that you have all the skills and strength to get through the tough patch because you have done it before!

Finally, have hope by keeping in mind that it is in weakness that we find strength. As the second letter to the Corinthians says, "We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." (Chapter 4, Verses 8-9, 16-17).

He’s Not That Into You Moments

This audiobook is by far one of the funniest things I have heard, but at the same time it’s so liberating!

It frees us women from over-thinking, playing scenarios, and creating excuses for our fellow men. And more importantly, it takes us back to the good-old-times.

My fellow sisters, love is not complicated. If men are interested, they will seek you. If they are not, they will not. Don’t waste your time and beautiful minds in reading between the lines. Don’t confuse any mundane interaction for a date. If he really wants a date, he will ask you out on a date (point blank!). Honestly, it’s so liberating!

There’s not such thing as, “I wanted to slow it down” or “Let’s take some time off.” Why if everything is moving towards the right direction, will you need to slow down? But then, we creative women go with our fantastic reasoning and think that they may be afraid, etc. If he has fears, would you like to marry a guy afraid to make a move or a decision?

Ultimately, God works in marvelous ways and if he is not "the" one is because God has a better, bigger plan in mind. Remember He is higher than us and have a better perspective and outlook in life. Besides, every experience with our fellow brothers is an opportunity for us to grow and learn for the next experience. And please try hard not to create stories on his frustrated past to excuse him, or spend time thinking on all the “would haves” behind your actions… there’s nothing you could have done different for a different outcome. What was is what is the best.

We are beautiful women, created with the love of God, perfect and complete, so we deserve a man that accepts us as we are and is eager to go for it no matter what (commitment).

P.S. By the way, this applies to every man! Don't create the excuse of "he's a Christian," "we're from different backgrounds so communicate different;" "he had a strong experience as a child." No excuses :-)