Moments of Vulnerability

For those who know me well, you know that being vulnerable is not my thing. It is hard for me to let people know what is going on with me, especially if it is related with emotions.

This past week has been full of challenges, and Sunday finally became the day that vulnerability became so evident:

- I stopped at the red light and, all of the sudden, decided to go and almost crashed with another car.

- I had a picnic with friends and left my food in my apartment

- A friend shared her salad with me and half way into eating it I dropped it

- I have insomnia now… being awake since 3:38am. All I feel is pain and fire in my stomach… I am nervous, very…

What am I afraid of? Is it the India trip and the fact that there is barely a plan for those 20 days? Is it the changes in my heart? Or is it the upcoming move?

I have been so afraid of rejection or failure lately that is not even funny. It has become my movie title for the month of August. Interestingly, this time or at least right now I don’t have an answer, other than taking one day at a time, trusting that the way will be shown to me as I go. I just need to continue overcoming those fears and, more importantly, opening my heart to those close to me so I can bring them near and they can help me as I wonder the dark streets of the unknown.

This is so not comfortable…

P.S. As a song I’m listening goes:

“I can only imagine it would be like when I walk by Your side,

I can only imagine when my eyes will see when Your face is before me,

I can only imagine…

Surrounded by Your glory what will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of You will be still,

Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing Hallelujah, Will I be able to speak at all,

I can only imagine!”